Are you still Politically Correct?
Do you feel confident about what is currently considered acceptable to say and discuss in a social setting or a business environment? Are you worried about saying the wrong thing or using the wrong term in front of people? Being politically correct today has started to become a bit of a minefield
Top 5 most contentious topics
Growing up, perhaps due to ignorance or living in a local bubble, unaware of what was happening globally due to not having the internet and social media, I felt it was much easier to know what was acceptable to say publicly. Currently, there are a lot of subjects and terms that potentially could offend someone or be taken as a slur.
It's made more complicated by the fact that there doesn’t seem to be a single rule for everyone to follow. It can depend on which generation you fall into, or what ethnicity or gender you are, as to whether it's acceptable.
The majority of us never deliberately mean to offend anyone. Often, it’s ignorance or a misjudged comment. For me, it’s all about intent. You can usually tell if someone is deliberately being offensive. If not, we just need to be tolerant and talk openly, so we don’t feel we have to tiptoe around subjects. That way, we can understand each other's views and feelings better.
The office environment has particularly become a risk-averse space and so generally people stay clear of any subject that may be deemed controversial. Asking: When are you having kids? How much do you earn? Have you lost weight? When are you going to retire? Should all be avoided.
Here are 5 of the most contentious topics that currently trip people up. Not listed in any particular order:
1 – Gender & Sex
Most of us Midlifers learnt at school that there are just two sexes and genders - Male and Female. It all seemed simple! Unfortunately, it was not true.
Gender refers to your identity - your personal view of who you are. It isn't about who you’re attracted to, but how you want to be identified.
There are currently over 80 different global terms relating to gender! Such as Male, female, transgender, nonbinary, intergender, etc.
Sex refers to your biological and physiological characteristics – such as your genitals, hormones, and chromosomes all relate to your sex. There are three types of biological sex at birth. Male, female and intersex.
I think the rapid change in recognition of how many genders there are, is why so many Midlifers struggle to understand and come to terms with how something so fundamental, has changed so quickly in our lifetime.
The most important thing is to acknowledge all the terms that are used and be inclusive and open to people's feelings as to how they want to identify.
2 - Sexual orientation
Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to and want to have relationships with. Sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, and asexual.
There are over 50 terms that describe different sexual attraction, behaviour, and orientation.
The most frequent acronym that you may see now is LGBTQIA+. Which stands for; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (or sometimes questioning), intersex, asexual, and others. The ‘plus’ represents other sexual identities, including pansexual and two-spirit.
However, there is no standardised order, so even this acronym is not correct in all situations. It changes based on regional variances and personal preference. The acronym you should use depends on the context it is used for, to ensure it is inclusive and accurate.
Thus, you might also see LGBTQQIP2SAA which stands for; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous and asexual.
The important thing to take away is to always be inclusive by recognising different gender identities and sexual orientations. Also, if you meet someone and they tell you they are gay, you don’t then need to refer to them as LGBTQIA+, you can just call them gay, as you know this is how they are happy to identify.
Practical solutions to all these terms and references, such as toilets and changing rooms, are still being worked out. In the UK, the British Standards, which set out how things should be designed, are currently being updated to try and reflect the current situation.
3 - Racism
Racism is when someone behaves or talks differently to another person based on the colour of their skin, language spoken or culture.
As we know, from a recent event where a British royal aide repeatedly asked a prominent black charity boss where she was "really from", asking this question is deemed racist and inappropriate. You may be interested in finding out someone’s background or cultural origin, but this question is unacceptable. It will come across that you are trying to identify and categorise someone according to their race.
The word ‘coloured’ has been considered unacceptable in the UK since the 1960s and 1970s as language evolved. In the US, because of the country's fairly recent era of racial segregation, it is among the most offensive words for describing a black person.
However, in the UK a lot of the older generation still use the term ‘coloured’ because they think saying ‘Black’ is racist. However, as a descriptive term, saying ‘Black’ is fine and is a term that has been chosen by and is used by black people.
The British actor Benedict Cumberbatch also had to apologise after using the term "coloured" to describe black actors. He was mortified at the time, particularly as he was talking about racial inequality!
The reason why the word “coloured” is a racist term, is because it perpetuates the idea that being white is the benchmark of normality.
However, to demonstrate how complex this subject is, in some countries, particularly South Africa, they still use the word "coloured" when referring to people who have multiple heritages. This isn’t deemed to be offensive, and people with multiple heritages are proud to be described as this.
So in simple terms, if you are talking to someone who has a different skin colour, language or cultural background than you, don’t mention or reference it.
4 - Ageist
An ageist is someone who discriminates against people because of their age. Personally, although I have witnessed some people, generally men, saying ageist things, I don’t believe most people say things disparagingly. Most people simply relate other people to their own age. i.e. Is someone older or younger than you.
In a business environment, it is now deemed inappropriate to mention age in virtually every circumstance. Therefore, it's best to avoid those conversations.
This blog and website focuses on Midlifers, who fall into the Generation X, Millennials or Generation Z generation categories. This demonstrates that referring to age isn’t and shouldn’t always be seen as a negative. We should be proud of our age and who we are.
I find it interesting that it has become such an issue to ask someone how old they are? Is it more personal than asking their name? It seems fine to ask if they are clearly under 21, but if someone looks older, it's often frowned upon.
A ‘generation’ is all the people born and living at about the same time, regarded collectively as a group. Although the terms change slightly in different countries, the list below is generally recognised as the name and period for each modern generation.
The Lost Generation (also known as the ‘Generation of 1914’): 1883 - 1900
The Greatest Generation (also known as the ‘G.I. Generation’): 1901 - 1927
The Silent Generation (also known as the ‘Lucky Few’): 1928 – 1945
Baby Boomers (also known as ‘Boomers’): 1946 – 1964
Generation X (also known as ‘Gen X’): 1965 – 1980
Millennials (also known as ‘Gen Y’): 1981 – 1996
Generation Z (also known as ‘Gen Z’): 1997 – 2012
Generation Alpha (also known as ‘Gen Alpha’): 2012 – to mid 2020s
The next generation is likely to be called ‘Gen Beta’.
5 - Sizeist
Sizeism is a prejudice or discrimination based on a person's size or weight.
Humans are getting taller, bigger and living longer than at any time in history.
‘Overweight’ refers to an excess amount of body weight that typically comes from muscles, bone, fat and water.
‘Obesity’ refers to an excess amount of body fat.
Worldwide, more than 1 billion people have obesity. 650 million adults, 340 million adolescents and 39 million children, according to WHO.
We are all aware that as a society we are increasing in size and there shouldn’t be any excuse for ‘accidentally’ saying something inappropriate about someone's weight. You simply refrain from mentioning anything unless they bring it up.
It's not uncommon for people to overhear embarrassing questions like ‘Are you pregnant’, only to find the person isn’t. Again, unless you are a close friend, why would you ask?
I’m sure a lot of people when they were growing up believed people were ‘fat’ because they ate too much. We now know there are so many reasons for people being overweight or obese, that unless you know the actual reason, you shouldn’t make a judgement, as it’s likely to offend them.
In Summary
Midlifers cannot afford to be ignorant or stubborn about the changing world we live in. We must be open and inclusive; otherwise, we risk offending people with the things we say or the terms we use. Whether it's related to one of the five topics above or something else, such as someone's dietary preferences like vegan, vegetarian, or pescatarian, we must all stay informed and be willing to accept the beliefs, feelings, habits, or behaviours of another person, group, or culture.
With mental health being a significant issue today, being kind and tolerant to people we meet will also help ensure that we don’t accidentally offend or hurt people who might be suffering from any kind of ‘invisible’ mental health problem, such as anxiety or trauma.