Midlifers are familiar with domestic household chores and we understand exactly how much time and effort is required to run a smooth household. The last thing we need is to argue every day because the bins are full.

Establishing a system

It is essential to have a well-organised system to divide household chores fairly to prevent stress and conflict. The goal is to create a natural routine so that both parties do all the chores as agreed, without fuss and without needing to constantly refer to a schedule or discuss it.

Most couples like to start by making a list of every chore and its required frequency, and then assigning who will complete each one.

If there are tasks that only one person can do, such as cooking, as the other person simply cannot cook, or gardening, as the other person suffers from back pain, then it's important to be fair and find the middle ground.

There will always be chores that you or your partner would prefer to do - these are the easy wins. It’s the chores that neither person wants to do where you have to compromise. You can either divide them up fairly or agree to alternate. i.e. By swapping chores each week.

It takes time to run a household smoothly, so be prepared to keep reviewing and adapting to ensure it works for everyone.

This is why ‘compatibility’ is such an important trait in a relationship. You both need to care about the same things, want your house to run similarly, respect each other’s feelings, and be prepared to step in and help each other out when you see the other person struggling.

We all want to live a simple, stress-free and enjoyable daily life, giving us more time and energy for the things we love doing.

The 5 Steps

Step 1 - Create a list of every chore, the approximate time it takes, and the frequency required

The number of items and frequency will vary depending on your home and family, so ensure it reflects your specific needs and circumstances.

Estimating the time and frequency of each chore helps you understand that it’s not about how many chores you have, but the time it takes to complete them.

You might find it useful to categorise the chores in order of frequency:

Daily Chores – Such as cooking meals and doing the dishes.
Weekly Chores – Such as cleaning the house.
Monthly Chores – Such as a deeper clean behind furniture.

Step 2 - Assign Chores

Once you have your full list of chores, the next step is to agree on who will undertake which chore.

This is a good opportunity to discuss how and when each chore will be done to avoid future ‘discussions’ about chores not being completed properly or frequently enough.

You may also realise that some chores are not actually that important or necessary to either of you, so cross them off.

Step 3 - Take responsibility for your chores

Once you have assigned your chores, get into a pattern and routine of doing them. Always look for the simplest and quickest method of getting through them. Take pride in them and you will have a lovely home.

Remember your chore/life balance is important and you don’t want to feel like all you do is chores. Also, make sure you don't set yourself up to fail. For instance, you're unlikely to want to start cleaning the floors in the evening after a hard day at work.

Remember, no chore is more important than the other. You both need to undertake them all between you to create your perfect home.

They are called chores for a reason. No one really wants to do them. It’s relentless doing the same thing repeatedly. But that’s why you have to enjoy them the best you can. Put on a podcast or listen to your favourite music to help.

Clear tidy house = Clear and happy mindset

Step 4 - Adapt and be Flexible

After you have been undertaking your tasks for a few weeks, take the time to sit and talk to your partner about how it's all going and if it's working for you both. Be honest if you are struggling. You may find they feel the same way and want to change things as well.

The bottom line is we are all human. We all have a bad day or week and so the little things like household chores sometimes become the trigger point for an argument.

Sitting there and saying ‘It’s not my chore’ is never going to help. Step up and be supportive. You both need to be happy to maintain your relationship and create a calm enjoyable atmosphere at home.

Step 5 – Adopt a minimalist approach

The one thing that makes any chore take twice as long, is having to tidy up before you start, or having to pick up hundreds of things to dust. It's so boring and time-consuming, so maybe take this opportunity to think about how much, or how little, you need to have on every shelf and table or stacked on the floor.

I strongly believe that a clutter-free environment can help reduce feelings of stress and being overwhelmed, let alone the time it takes to clean and tidy up all the time. We all have a different scale of what we consider tidy, so it’s about clearing out to a level you are happy with.

Having a partner who falls on the opposite end of the ‘tidy spectrum’ to you, can cause strain in a relationship. It is important to compromise and respect each other’s preferences. If that’s not leading to a resolution, you could agree to clean your ‘own’ areas. Hopefully, the untidy person in the relationship will see it takes you half the time to do your chores and think about being tidier themselves!

If you have a family, try to get everyone involved in some chores so it becomes a whole family activity, particularly tidying up. Try to make it fun and a race against time, so when it's done everyone can enjoy a cleaner, more organised home.

An Alternative Solution

If you are really struggling to assign chores, or think the cores are disproportionate to one person, or don’t think the other person is doing the chores properly. Try a new method of undertaking some, or all the chores together as a team.

For example, wash and dry the dishes together. Either choose your preference, or alternate who washes and who dries, but do it together at the same time.

For weekly chores, maybe agree on a time slot, say two hours on a Saturday morning, when you both get through as many chores as possible together and then get on with your weekend.

Example of our household schedule

This is our split of chores. Our friends would probably call us minimalists, but we just think we are tidy. We have been managing our chores, without too many complaints and ‘discussions’, over the last 30 years.

Cooking: Her (Weekdays) Him (Weekends)

Washing & drying up: Shared

Emptying and putting out the bins: Her

Laundry (washing, ironing & changing bed linen): Her

Cleaning the bathrooms & kitchen (Weekly): Her

Washing the timber floors (Weekly): Her

Dusting & vacuuming the house (Weekly): Him

Cleaning the cars (Bi-Weekly): Him

Gardening (Weekly): Him

Maintenance & DIY (As and when required): Him

Finances & Paperwork: Him

5 Steps to Divide Household Chores

Midlifers are familiar with domestic household chores and we understand exactly how much time and effort is required to run a smooth household. The last thing we need is to argue every day because the bins are full.